No, not something nice back home, not something nice on the island, not something nice at all, wherever it occurs, whenever it occurs. What am I referring to? The utterly painful imagery that the opening of this episode was. You see, I turned into ABC about five minutes early. Rather than continuing to play my new Wii, I figured that I would just wait for LOST to start, because if I kept playing, I would surely lose track of time and miss the opening to the episode. What I found on ABC was the end of Gay’s Anatomy.
Yes, I know the changing of the word Grey’s to Gay’s is neither mature nor clever, but that condition is what makes it perfect to describe the shallow show. Surprisingly, I handled the small bit of suffering well. I decided I was going to begin this column, and every subsequent column, with a Gay’s update (the main character was told by the character with a spin off not to let the doctor the both love stay with a third woman I never had the [dis]pleasure of seeing, I’m more confused writing that summary than I ever am watching LOST). However, the opening five minutes of LOST were so jarring, that my idea was obsolete. I would begin the column how I am beginning it now. (This is all so meta.)
Alright, this is how it’s going to be. From now on, LOST is just a story. The characters and the conflict have been set up, although we’re still not completely sure about either; and the execution will follow. I don’t mean execution in the sense that the show’s head will be cut off so the poor can overthrow the upper class. (Yes, that’s a French Revolution reference). I mean that the writers spent the first three seasons typing in “4 8 15 16 23 42” and hit “Execute” at the beginning of this season. Now, we have about 2112 minutes (or 48 episodes or two original length seasons) before the show implodes forever. Technically, after this week’s episode, we only have about 1716 minutes left. Enjoy it while it lasts. Isn’t quantifying things fun?
I’m pleasantly surprised at the fact that this episode was able to surprise me a few times, a couple pleasantly, one not so pleasantly. Let me list them:
-I didn’t think Alex would actually be killed. Up until the second she dropped dead, I was sure she would escape the jaws somehow. This surprise was setup well by a couple writing choices. First off, killing Rousseau and Karl before the break made me think that the deaths had stopped for awhile. Second, teasing Claire dying earlier in the episode (made believable by the knowledge that Kate ends up mothering Aaron), but not following through with it setup the expectations of narrowly escaping death in the episode. Well, maybe not narrowly escaping. Considering Claire’s house was blown up and she emerged with only a concussion, she’s doing pretty well, a lot better than Alex anyway.
I met Kevin Johnson and this is what he taught me: a layer has been taken out of the show. I don’t mean that this show has only one thing going on at a time. Such a statement would be ridiculous to make. Every scene still has characters at different levels of understanding. As the viewer, we are a little over the middle mark of understanding in those conversations. We can easily identify the characters who think they have a clue and really only have a quarter of one, but we have a hard time distinguishing between the characters who are pretending to have a clue and who actually have a clue. No, these layers will always exist in LOST, perhaps past the airing of the final episode. When I say a layer has been excised from the show, I’m referring to the dualistic nature of the storytelling.
While this episode was certainly not the first extended uninterrupted flashback (Flashes Before Your Eyes first featured such an episode, although we could debate if it was actually a flashback or not), it was the first such episode where the shift in storytelling technique really hit home for me. No longer are the flashes being used to tell a separate story from the island tale. Instead, we now have one integrated plot. Yes, it was all always the same plot because it fits under the title of LOST, so let me explain my point a little further.
I’m not exactly sure where this ability came from. I have an idea, but the exact details of its origins are blurry to me. But for our purposes, there’s no need to explicit my power. A long diatribe on the struggle to come to terms with ones inherent talents is best level for a superhero origin story or someone with teen angst. Besides, I’m so over the whole critical theory self awareness bullshit that permeates from the walls of the buildings of higher education. How long can you tear things apart besides you do anything yourself? Maybe my vision came from there, my education. Regardless, I’m done with that perspective. If you haven’t noticed, over this season, my column has become a lot less about what I liked and didn’t like (although I’ve always maintained that I love LOST), and more about how all the elements fit within the monolithic entity that is the story. It’s an unpalatable position for many, but that divergence from that mass is what’s important. For some reason, I can hear the footsteps a mile away. The naysayers are coming and they’re ready to tear LOST down the way the Internet Wrestling Community has torn down Professional Wrestling.
Life is tough. It really is. Or, at least it’s hard out there for a LOST fan. One week, you’re given this supremely magnificent episode, fast paced and full of revelations and romance, and the next everything is slowed down on you. If you’ll bear with another one of my sports metaphors, it would be like your team playing the undefeated Colts one week and facing off against the always tough opponent “Bye” the next week. You face the emotional invest of trying to end your heated rival’s dreams of an undefeated next season and the emotional lack of investment of playing no game at all the next week. What do you even do with your time off? Do you watch other games? Do you speculate about the last game? Do you watch your DVDs of past Super Bowl championships?
Fortunately, we didn’t have a complete bye week. No, thanks to the strike we’ll have an entire bye month later on. However, for this week we did have another episode. The problem is that I’m not really sure if there’s much to talk about. I don’t think I can stretch an entire column out of it. So, where does this episode rank amongst the episodes so far this season? I refuse to answer that question. I hate rankings of unquantifiable concepts such as “Best Team Ever” or “Best Episode of the Season”. The more important question is: Was it a good episode?
The answer is simple. Yes. So how am I going to stretch a paragraph out of this explanation? The same way I’m going to stretch an entire column out of this episode. I’m going to use my mad graduate school skills to pick part the context surrounding the episode in order to help you at least understand the steps it takes to reaching that point of view (if not agree with me). Essentially, I return to the main statement I used a few weeks ago.
This episode was that doucehbag Mystery from VH1’s the Pickup Artist’s dream. If you’ve ever wanted a random ridiculous pick up technique, listen to that guy and reference The Constant. Here’s the technique:
-Put on a giant furry hat. -Use eyeliner. -Buy ski googles and wear them when you’re not skiing, but never over your eyes. -Variant pseudo-ancient wooden carved googles are a plus. -Paint your finger nails. -Wear a ruffled shirt a la a bad magician or old school French fencer. -Never look your “target” directly in the eyes or be nice to her. -Always use a random creepy “opener” like “Do you floss before or after you brush?” -Make statements of values such as “I’m not a douchebag even though I look like one.” -Be on the look out for IOIs, indicators of interest, such as hair touching. Be careful to make sure the girl’s hair isn’t just out of place when she touches it. -“Neg” the girl or, in other words, compliment her by “playfully” belittling her.
Yes, follow this short list of suggestions (read: requirements or you’ll be an AFC, average frustrated chump, not American Football Conference). Not only that, but couple the Mystery Method ™ with the fifth episode of the season five of LOST and you’ll have the ultimate pick up technique. This episode feature concepts such as:
-Can I have your number so I can call you in eight years? -If you give me your number, I’ll leave you alone, I promise. -I need you to be my constant so when my consciousness jumps across time periods I won’t get Butterfly Effected. -I just flew off a mysterious island and don’t know who these people around me are, but I love, oh shit, the battery on the phone on this freighter is about to die.
Seriously, you know Mystery was watching this episode and foaming at the mouth at the prospect of going up to a girl and asking her to be a constant. Then, when she asks what the constant was, he’d make a joke about the LOST episode and transition (or whatever stupid fancy word he gives to conversational segue ways) into the rest of his “crap-nique”. You know he was watching too because, unfortunately, he’s enough of a geek to be enthralled by the, um, mysteries of LOST. And he’s the guy who posts all his ridiculous theories on message boards, flames you when you post a critique or question, and then somehow you’re the one who gets banned. It’s like some sick twisted world where Desmond isn’t tied to any time period and Daniel has long hair and teaches at Oxford, er, wait a minute.
No, not something nice back home, not something nice on the island, not something nice at all, wherever it occurs, whenever it occurs. What am I referring to? The utterly painful imagery that the opening of this episode was. You see, I turned into ABC about five minutes early. Rather than continuing to play my new Wii, I figured that I would just wait for LOST to start, because if I kept playing, I would surely lose track of time and miss the opening to the episode. What I found on ABC was the end of Gay’s Anatomy.
